White people shouldn't be allowed to vote

It's for the good of the country and for those who're bitter for a reason and armed because they're scared.

By Jonathan Valania
The once lead singer of the Psyclone Rangers and former student of Moravian College is a freelance writer and editor in chief of www.phawker.com

As a lifelong Caucasian,( and full time idiot ) I am beginning to think the time has finally come to take the right to vote away from white people, at least until we come to our senses. Seriously, I just don't think we can be trusted to exercise it responsibly anymore.

I give you Exhibit A: The last eight years.

In 2000, Bush-Cheney stole the election, got us attacked, and then got us into two no-exit wars. Four years later, white people reelected them. Is not the repetition of the same behavior over and over again with the expectation of a different outcome the very definition of insanity? (It is, I looked it up.)

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That's why this ban on white people voting I'm proposing has got to be statewide. And I'm sorry to say, it's going to have to include all white people, even those who would vote for Obama, because you can't just let some white people vote. That would be unfair.


By this point, you either think I am joking or are calling me an elitist. I assure you I am neither. OK, maybe a little of both. But it wasn't always like this. I come from the Coal Belt, ( playing violins ) from that Alabamian hinterland between Pittsburgh and Philadelphia, as per James Carville's famous formulation.